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A
lady awoke
one morning and discovered her dog was not moving.
She
called
her
vet who asked her to bring the dog in.
After
a
brief
examination, the vet pronounced the dog dead.
"Are
you
sure?",
the distraught woman asked. "He was a great family pet.
Isn't there anything else you can do?"
The
vet
paused
for a moment and said, "There is one more thing we can do."
He left the room for a moment and came back carrying a large cage with
a cat in
it.
The vet opened the cage door and the cat walked over to the dog. The
cat
sniffed the dog from head to toe and walked back to the cage.
"Well, that confirms it." the vet announced. "Your dog is
dead."
Satisfied that the vet had done everything he possibly could, the
woman
sighed, "How much do I owe you?"
"That will be $330." the vet replied.
"I don't believe it!!!", screamed the woman. "What did you do
that cost $330??
"Well", the vet replied, "it's $30 for the office visit and
$300 for the cat scan.

Jesus Is Watching
A burglar is breaking into a house at night. Sneaking
around he suddenly hears:
"Jesus is watching you!"
The burglar is shocked, ducks down, remains silent for a
while, but nothing
happens.
After a minute or so, he hears
nothing,
so he gets up again.
Again he hears, but a little louder and more like a warning:
"Jesus is still watching you!"
"Good heavens!" he thinks,
"What's going on here?"
Silently he walks backward and
again
-and really loud this time-hears:
"Jesus is *REALLY* watching you!"
Okay, this guy is almost having a heart attack so he switches on his
Maglite.
After a little looking around
he detects a parrot.
Burglar: "A parrot?"
Parrot: "Yes, that's me!"
Burglar: "You can talk pretty well!"
Parrot: "Yes, I'm already 50 years of age."
Burglar: "Phew I really thought something weird was going on here!
What's
your name?"
Parrot: "Henry."
Burglar: "Henry? That's a weird name for a parrot."
Parrot: "Not as weird as 'Jesus' for a rottweiler!"
--Unknown Author
This morning, I woke up & kissed my dad's head.
Mom
took
me outside, we walked for a while.
This never fails to make Mama smile.
I sniffed of everything, that we did pass,
I ate something weird - it gave me gas.
I'm
sure
God loves me, I know that is true.
He gave me so many great things to chew.
Rugs, plants or rocks, I really don't care.
What I truly like best, is Dad's underwear.
That
obedience
book, was sort of yummy.
Though it didn't sit well on my poor puppy tummy.
I threw up a bit, but that was all right,
When Mom found it later, I was well out of sight.
I
made streamers of T. P., while running at full speed.
Mom is pretty quick -- but I was still in the lead.
I flew under the bed, and Mom flew past,
She stopped-shook her head, and breathed,
"You're too fast."
Mama
later
phoned Daddy, and said, "It was frightening!"
That afternoon, she was sure I'd pooped lightning.
She'd sat at the computer, while I chewed the cord,
She thought I was mad, but I was just bored.
When
Mama
had enough, couldn't take anymore,
That's when my tushy got shoved out the door.
I love it inside, but outside is best.
Lay in the cool grass, and had a good rest.
That
didn't
last long, there was too much to do--
Can't quite remember where I hid Daddy's shoe.
I found an old bone, and scratched at a flea,
I watched the dumb squirrels as they jumped in a tree.
I
barked at the kids, when they got off the bus.
I can't figure out why this makes Mama fuss.
I barked at the neighbor, I barked at the wind.
I barked and barked, till Mom yelled, "COME IN."
The
sun
dipped in the west-soon Daddy would come!
I sure love my daddy: we always have fun.
I barked at my daddy, then turned on my charms,
I woo-wooed, "Hello," then jumped in his arms.
Sitting
under
the table -- it's sooo hard to wait.
Daddy slipped me a goodie right off his plate.
I raced through the house, and scattered my toys,
Ricocheted off the furniture, and made lots of noise.
Mom
found
her purse - the one I abused.
Daddy let loose a chuckle. Mom asked "Amused??"
I cowered down low, I must be in trouble.
Dad said, "Wasn't MY boy, it must be his double!"
Mom
turned
off the TV, and said,"Time for bed."
Dad said "Let's go boy," and patted my head.
I got in my spot, between Mom and Dad,
I thought 'bout my day and what fun I had.
Mama
kicked
out my bone from the covers below,
Then let loose a sigh -- a sigh deep and low.
She gave me a kiss, and snuggled me tight,
And whispered so softly, 'My darling goodnight'.
Unknown


